Phyllis McGinley
“Please to put a nickel, please to put a dime. How petitions trickle in at…
Frances Wright
“Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.”
Erma Bombeck
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
Ellen DeGeneres
“Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.”
Jerome K. Jerome
“What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.”
Victor Borge
“Santa Claus has the right idea – visit people only once a year.”
W. C. Fields
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
Alfred Adler
“The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”
Robert Frost
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her…
J. Paul Getty
“The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.”
P. J. O’Rourke
“Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle…
Vince Lombardi
“We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.”
Johnny Carson
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
Bob Dole
“The internet is a great way to get on the net.”
Phil McGraw
“A year from now, you’re gonna weigh more or less than what you do right…
E. B. White
“I see nothing in space as promising as the view from a Ferris wheel.”
Ernest Hemingway
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep…
Drunk Raccoon Found Passed Out in Liquor Store Bathroom After Overnight Break-In
A raccoon in Virginia has become an unlikely internet celebrity after a bizarre overnight break-in…
F. Scott Fitzgerald
“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes…
Arthur C. Clarke
“The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return. It’s the zero…
Bored out of his mind
A psychiatrist is sitting in his office, bored out of his mind… Suddenly, the door…
Yogi Berra
“You wouldn’t have won if we’d beaten you.”
Christopher Morley
“We’ve had bad luck with our kids – they’ve all grown up.”
Lily Tomlin
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more…
Fran Lebowitz
“Life is something to do when you can’t get to sleep.”
Samuel Goldwyn
“Let’s have some new cliches.”
John F. Kennedy
“My brother Bob doesn’t want to be in government – he promised Dad he’d go…
H. L. Mencken
“Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.”
Andy Warhol
“I am a deeply superficial person.”
Charles Kettering
“Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.”