A. J. Liebling
“Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.”
Don Marquis
“Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get…
Bob Newhart
“This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I’m not about to screw…
Will Rogers
“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”
George Jean Nathan
“I drink to make other people interesting.”
Jack Lemmon
“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf…
J. K. Rowling
“Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps…
Dwight L. Moody
“I have had more trouble with myself than with any other man.”
George Carlin
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an…
J. P. Morgan
“A man always has two reasons for doing anything: a good reason and the real…
Best Memes From The Coldplay Kiss-Cam Concert Incident
When Coldplay said “look at the stars,” this couple took it way too literally. During a…
Douglas Horton
“When all is lost, ask the I.R.S. – they’ll find something.”
Sam Levenson
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.”
Imelda Marcos
“I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.”
Dan Rather
“Never eat spinach just before going on the air.”
Will Durant
“Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.”
Mary Roberts Rinehart
“I never saw a lawyer yet who would admit he was making money.”
Dan Quayle
“I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the…
Calvin Coolidge
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Herbert Spencer
“A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance.”
Watch: Karen Jumps Into Pond to Break Up Ducks During Mating Season
Every so often, the universe tosses us a story so ridiculous it feels like a…
Kin Hubbard
“A loafer always has the correct time.”
Fred Allen
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Bob Hope
“If I have to lay an egg for my country, I’ll do it.”
Johnny Carson
“If it weren’t for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we’d still be eating frozen…
Laurence J. Peter
“Fortune knocks but once, but misfortune has much more patience.”
Earl Wilson
“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.”
Wilson Mizner
“If you steal from one author it’s plagiarism; if you steal from many it’s research.”
P. G. Wodehouse
“Why don’t you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.”