E. W. Howe
“To be an ideal guest, stay at home.”
P. J. O’Rourke
“Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle…
Anthony Burgess
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Calvin Trillin
“As far as I’m concerned, ‘whom’ is a word that was invented to make everyone…
Bernard Baruch
“Vote for the man who promises least; he’ll be the least disappointing.”
Will Durant
“Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.”
Hunter S. Thompson
“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”
Jack Benny
“I don’t deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don’t deserve that either.”
Phyllis McGinley
“Please to put a nickel, please to put a dime. How petitions trickle in at…
Louis XIV
“It is legal because I wish it.”
Joan Crawford
“I, Joan Crawford, I believe in the dollar. Everything I earn, I spend.”
Elizabeth Taylor
“Big girls need big diamonds.”
Mary Pickford
“Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo.”
William Butler Yeats
“Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods…
Thor Heyerdahl
“Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.”
Mel Brooks
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open…
Katharine Hepburn
“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”
Truman Capote
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
Charles V
“I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my…
Lost an Axe and a Wife
A lumberjack was chopping down a tree by a river when he dropped his axe…
Lenny Bruce
“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
Samuel Pepys
“Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody.”
John F. Kennedy
“The pay is good and I can walk to work.”
Kevin James
“There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.”
Everett Dirksen
“A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you’re talking about real money.”
Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.”
Ellen DeGeneres
“Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.”
Frances Wright
“Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.”
Princess Margaret
“I have as much privacy as a goldfish in a bowl.”
Warren Buffett
“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.”