Harry S Truman
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.”
John F. Kennedy
“The pay is good and I can walk to work.”
Kevin James
“There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.”
Samuel Pepys
“Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody.”
Everett Dirksen
“A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you’re talking about real money.”
Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.”
Ellen DeGeneres
“Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.”
Frances Wright
“Pets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.”
E. B. White
“Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.”
Princess Margaret
“I have as much privacy as a goldfish in a bowl.”
Warren Buffett
“I buy expensive suits. They just look cheap on me.”
Benjamin Franklin
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.”
Erma Bombeck
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
Oscar Levant
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m schizophrenic, and so am I.”
Fred Allen
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Robert Anthony
“Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.”
Clarence Darrow
“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning…
Walt Disney
“I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.”
Phyllis Diller
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next…
The Mystery Boom That Turned Out to Be a Space Rock
Residents across New England recently experienced a classic modern-day phenomenon: hearing a massive boom, checking…
Ernest Hemingway
“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep…
Calvin Coolidge
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Lana Turner
“A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A…
Phil McGraw
“A year from now, you’re gonna weigh more or less than what you do right…
Bob Dole
“The internet is a great way to get on the net.”
Jerome K. Jerome
“What I am looking for is a blessing not in disguise.”
Wernher von Braun
“Research is what I’m doing when I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Why Dad Jokes Are Still Winning the Internet
Dad jokes are simple, predictable, and proudly ridiculous, which is exactly why people keep sharing…
Rita Rudner
“When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was…
Gilda Radner
“I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch.”