James Joyce
“Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to…
Mitch Hedberg
“Rice is great if you’re really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.”
Joan Crawford
“I, Joan Crawford, I believe in the dollar. Everything I earn, I spend.”
Elizabeth Taylor
“Big girls need big diamonds.”
W. C. Fields
“A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank…
Orson Welles
“I have an unfortunate personality.”
Charles Kettering
“Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.”
H. L. Mencken
“The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom.”
Will Rogers
“If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?”
Winston Churchill
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us.…
Abraham Lincoln
“If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?”
Groucho Marx
“Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.”
Mary Pickford
“Adding sound to movies would be like putting lipstick on the Venus de Milo.”
William Butler Yeats
“Being Irish, he had an abiding sense of tragedy, which sustained him through temporary periods…
Oscar Wilde
“One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.”
Thor Heyerdahl
“Progress is man’s ability to complicate simplicity.”
Mel Brooks
“Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open…
Katharine Hepburn
“Life is hard. After all, it kills you.”
Truman Capote
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
Charles V
“I speak Spanish to God, Italian to women, French to men, and German to my…
Lost an Axe and a Wife
A lumberjack was chopping down a tree by a river when he dropped his axe…
Lenny Bruce
“Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.”
Walt Whitman
“I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don’t believe I deserved my friends.”
Samuel Pepys
“Strange to see how a good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody.”
John F. Kennedy
“The pay is good and I can walk to work.”
Kevin James
“There’s no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.”
Harry S Truman
“You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.”
Everett Dirksen
“A billion here, a billion there, and pretty soon you’re talking about real money.”
Zsa Zsa Gabor
“I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.”
Ellen DeGeneres
“Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.”