Emma Goldman
“If voting changed anything, they’d make it illegal.”
Franklin P. Jones
“One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody’s listening.”
Mark Twain
“Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I…
Vince Lombardi
“We didn’t lose the game; we just ran out of time.”
Mort Sahl
“My life needs editing.”
Jimmy Buffett
“Indecision may or may not be my problem.”
James A. Garfield
“The truth will set you free, but first it will make you miserable.”
Niels Bohr
“Prediction is very difficult, especially if it’s about the future.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.”
Lily Tomlin
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more…
Mitch Hedberg
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
Emo Philips
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at…
Hundreds of Inflatable Dinosaurs Just Broke a World Record — and the Internet Can’t Handle It
If you’ve ever wondered what a stampede of cartoon dinosaurs would look like in real…
Johnny Carson
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
Thomas Sowell
“It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.”
W. C. Fields
“I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.”
Robert Frost
“A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her…
Jules Renard
“Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.”
H. L. Mencken
“For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong.”
Will Rogers
“I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.”
Winston Churchill
“The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.”
Abraham Lincoln
“No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.”
Groucho Marx
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
Amy Sedaris
“My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you get stuff…
Joan Rivers
“Never floss with a stranger.”
Milton Friedman
“Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.”
Sam Levenson
“Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we’ll find it.”
Rita Rudner
“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
Yogi Berra
“We have deep depth.”
P. J. O’Rourke
“If government were a product, selling it would be illegal.”