Best Memes From The Coldplay Kiss-Cam Concert Incident
When Coldplay said “look at the stars,” this couple took it way too literally. During a…
Douglas Horton
“When all is lost, ask the I.R.S. – they’ll find something.”
Sam Levenson
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
Ambrose Bierce
“Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man’s head.”
Imelda Marcos
“I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.”
Dan Rather
“Never eat spinach just before going on the air.”
Will Durant
“Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.”
Mary Roberts Rinehart
“I never saw a lawyer yet who would admit he was making money.”
Herbert Spencer
“A jury is composed of twelve men of average ignorance.”
Watch: Karen Jumps Into Pond to Break Up Ducks During Mating Season
Every so often, the universe tosses us a story so ridiculous it feels like a…
Frederick the Great
“A crown is merely a hat that lets the rain in.”
Cavett Robert
“If you don’t think every day is a good day, just try missing one.”
Minna Antrim
“To know one’s self is wisdom, but not to know one’s neighbors is genius.”
Gracie Allen
“When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she’d just make enough for 16…
Howard Nemerov
“The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told…
Al Unser
“Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.”
Joey Adams
“A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.”
Red Skelton
“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.”
Mitch Hedberg
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
Runaway Zebra Causes Chaos in Tennessee Before Dramatic Helicopter Rescue
Tennessee just wrapped up one of the strangest and most delightful manhunts—er, zebra -hunts—in recent…
Bill Hicks
“We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.”
Unknown
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he…
Richard Armour
“That money talks, I’ll not deny, I heard it once: It said, ‘Goodbye’.”
Jim Bishop
“Nobody understands anyone 18, including those who are 18.”
William Makepeace Thackeray
“I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses.”
Herb Caen
“I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.”
Christopher Fry
“What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.”
Bite Mark Tattoos: Romantic or Ridiculous?
Out of all the wild things people are doing for love these days, getting your…
Robert A. Heinlein
“Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.”
Prince Philip
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car…