Howard Nemerov
“The secrets of success are a good wife and a steady job. My wife told…
Al Unser
“Dad taught me everything I know. Unfortunately, he didn’t teach me everything he knows.”
Lenny Bruce
“In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.”
Joey Adams
“A psychiatrist asks a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.”
Red Skelton
“Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.”
Mitch Hedberg
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
Runaway Zebra Causes Chaos in Tennessee Before Dramatic Helicopter Rescue
Tennessee just wrapped up one of the strangest and most delightful manhunts—er, zebra -hunts—in recent…
Bill Hicks
“We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.”
Unknown
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he…
Richard Armour
“That money talks, I’ll not deny, I heard it once: It said, ‘Goodbye’.”
Jim Bishop
“Nobody understands anyone 18, including those who are 18.”
William Makepeace Thackeray
“I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses.”
Herb Caen
“I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.”
Christopher Fry
“What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.”
Bite Mark Tattoos: Romantic or Ridiculous?
Out of all the wild things people are doing for love these days, getting your…
Robert A. Heinlein
“Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.”
Prince Philip
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car…
Milton Berle
“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.”
John Maynard Keynes
“The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.”
Aussie IT Guy Installs Sprinklers to Drench Illegal Parkers—and the Internet Loves It
Sometimes, you’ve got to get creative when everyday problems won’t go away. That’s exactly what…
Peter De Vries
“Life is a zoo in a jungle.”
Rachel Hollis
“I can think of many reasonable excuses for needing a cocktail, but Cinco De Mayo…
Mark Russell
“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely…
Robert Anthony
“Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.”
Timothy Leary
“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
Anthony Burgess
“Every dogma has its day.”
Carrie Fisher
“Instant gratification takes too long.”
Chris Rock
“You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.”
Leo Durocher
“I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you…
Harriet Dart’s ‘Deodorant’ Comment Backfires in Defeat to Lois Boisson
British tennis player Harriet Dart has apologised after a bizarre and controversial moment during her…