Mitch Hedberg
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
Runaway Zebra Causes Chaos in Tennessee Before Dramatic Helicopter Rescue
Tennessee just wrapped up one of the strangest and most delightful manhunts—er, zebra -hunts—in recent…
Bill Hicks
“We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.”
Unknown
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he…
Richard Armour
“That money talks, I’ll not deny, I heard it once: It said, ‘Goodbye’.”
E. B. White
“Prejudice is a great time saver. You can form opinions without having to get the…
Jim Bishop
“Nobody understands anyone 18, including those who are 18.”
William Makepeace Thackeray
“I never knew whether to pity or congratulate a man on coming to his senses.”
Herb Caen
“I have a memory like an elephant. I remember every elephant I’ve ever met.”
Christopher Fry
“What after all, is a halo? It’s only one more thing to keep clean.”
Bite Mark Tattoos: Romantic or Ridiculous?
Out of all the wild things people are doing for love these days, getting your…
Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Macho does not prove mucho.”
H. L. Mencken
“We are here and it is now. Further than that, all human knowledge is moonshine.”
Robert A. Heinlein
“Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.”
Prince Philip
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car…
Milton Berle
“You can lead a man to Congress, but you can’t make him think.”
John Maynard Keynes
“The avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.”
Yogi Berra
“If you ask me anything I don’t know, I’m not going to answer.”
P. J. O’Rourke
“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.”
Aussie IT Guy Installs Sprinklers to Drench Illegal Parkers—and the Internet Loves It
Sometimes, you’ve got to get creative when everyday problems won’t go away. That’s exactly what…
Peter De Vries
“Life is a zoo in a jungle.”
Rachel Hollis
“I can think of many reasonable excuses for needing a cocktail, but Cinco De Mayo…
Mark Russell
“The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely…
Robert Anthony
“Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gargle.”
Timothy Leary
“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.”
Helen Hayes
“Age is not important unless you’re a cheese.”
Anthony Burgess
“Every dogma has its day.”
Carrie Fisher
“Instant gratification takes too long.”
Franklin P. Jones
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”
Chris Rock
“You don’t pay taxes – they take taxes.”